


What You Wanted

by IsaacTheGreat69



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fighting, Mind Control, Violence, descriptions of The Split, insecurities and fears, morally grey Janus, morally grey remus, some deception and manipulation, some unsympathetic Patton in the first chapter but not after that, some violence/attempted murder? nothing graphic or bloody, theres a hint at QPR Virgil/King Creativity in the first chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsaacTheGreat69/pseuds/IsaacTheGreat69
Summary: Creativity - split in half at a young age, leaving the “good half” in the light and shunning Remus into the dark - Logic and Morality presided over Thomas’ mind and personality for over two decades. They monitored and suppressed the “dark sides”, making sure their influence only extended to necessities. Necessities which said “light sides” determined as such. Needless to say, this left the “dark sides” in a sour mood, fostering hatred and jealousy the likes of which the “light sides” would come to fear. But it hadn’t always been that way.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is inspired by @teardroppeddew‘s animatic of Good For You (if you haven’t seen it I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT IS SO GOOD) I hope I did it justice
> 
> I just like, saw it, and I had to write

For as long as they cared to remember, it was them against the world. 

Or, more accurately, them against the “light sides”. 

Creativity - split in half at a young age, leaving the “good half” in the light and shunning Remus into the dark - Logic and Morality presided over Thomas’ mind and personality for over two decades. They monitored and suppressed the “dark sides”, making sure their influence only extended to necessities. Necessities which said “light sides” determined as such. Needless to say, this left the “dark sides” in a sour mood, fostering hatred and jealousy the likes of which the “light sides” would come to fear. But it hadn’t always been that way.

Janus - or Deceit, as he was known by most - was a man of cunning, a man of schemes. He was Self Preservation after all, misnamed by a particularly black-and-white thinker he shant name. When they were young, before Morality had taken such a strong hold of Thomas’ mind and all the sides lived equally, Janus had been the one to show the others that they could change shape, or change aspects of themselves. They’d taken to it like a game - how much could they change about themselves to tell each other apart, yet still look like Thomas? Janus had given himself a half-snake face, as Thomas was rather obsessed with snakes at the time. Virgil, or Fear as the others knew him, had given himself mismatched eyes - one teal, one a swirling purple - and laughed at his reflection. Morality had given himself a rounder nose and circular glasses. Logic had kept his rectangular frames and insisted that they could be told apart well enough by their attire, and thus didn’t participate in their “shenanigans” (that had been his favorite word for a solid three months). Creativity, well. He got creative. 

Creativity had latched on rather strongly to the idea of royalty, knighthood, and damsels in distress. He dressed the part, and he always wanted to save one of the others from increasingly bizarre and powerful beasts, dreaming himself to be the knight and prince Thomas needed. It was fun for the others too, so no one really minded. At least, not until he began to change. 

No one knew when the shift happened, as it had been gradual, but no one could ignore it once they’d finally taken notice. Creativity joked and laughed less, instead taking to watching the others like he was studying a foreign species. He spent more and more time in the imagination, until he would only come out if one of the others forced him to. The monsters became less fun and ridiculous, bordering on genuinely terrifying and perverse. Instead of injuries raining glitter and the dead bodies disappearing, blood began to splatter and soak into the ground and cover Creativity’s clothing, the corpse of the slain beast falling to the ground where it would lay until it rotted away to bone. 

And then, being a prince hadn’t been good enough for him anymore. 

Janus tried his best not to recall these times, as even he had found himself disturbed by his best friend’s behavior. Creativity treated the others less like equals, like friends, and more like subjects. And he was not a benevolent king. The other sides had quickly learned to fear him or face his wrath, but the thing about fear is, it could inspire three different kinds of behavior.

Virgil had always looked up to Creativity and held a special bond with him, but the change his friend had undergone had left the smaller side cowering in fear almost constantly. Creativity’s booming voice was enough to make Virgil tremble like a leaf. Despite this, he still believed the two of them to be special friends, and so he’d bravely approached Creativity and had implored his friend to go back to being the prince who saved him from the dragon. 

Janus had no idea what Creativity had done to him - he still refused to talk about it twenty years later - but after that, Virgil would run away at the slightest sound of his voice. 

Janus himself had been struck silent in awe and horror at his friend’s change. He wasn’t sure what to make of it, or what to do, but he figured the best course of action was to do whatever Creativity wanted so no one was hurt. Yes, Janus had done nothing in the face of Creativity’s transformation, hoping that it was just a phase and he’d go back to being their kind friend soon.

But Logic and Morality couldn’t wait. Unbeknownst to the other two, they began to meet in secret, planning and plotting ways to stop Creativity. 

We all know Janus is the plotter, though.

Virgil and Janus had watched, horrified, as Creativity was ripped in half by Morality, letting out screams that Janus was sure would plague his nightmares the rest of his life. Janus had thought surely the side was dead, for he hadn’t been involved in the plan and knew nothing about whether a side could die or not. He’d been frozen to the spot in fear and horror as he watched the happiest, gentlest side he knew rip his friend in two. Virgil, in a rare bout of Fight, had lunged at Morality, causing him to drop both halves of Creativity as he was tackled to the ground. 

Janus glanced between Creativity’s corpse and his skirmishing friends before something caught his eye and he gasped. “Stop, look!”

Creativity’s halves began to move, drawing every side’s attention as a blinding light shone from where they were separated and something seemed to grow from the wounds. In a matter of minutes, two newly-formed sides laid unconscious at their feet, one decked in a white t-shirt with a red sash printed on the front, and the other in a black t-shirt with a green sash printed on it, Creativity’s crown on the floor between them. 

Morality used Virgil’s confusion to push him off, getting to his feet and clenching his fists in anger. Logic frowned beside him. “Well, that is not what we had planned.” 

Morality sighs through his nose. “No, but I can fix this.” He takes the side in a black shirt by the back of his shirt and drags him over to a slate-grey door. Janus’ eyes widen and he races forward, grabbing Morality’s arm desperately. 

“You can’t throw him in the subconscious, he’ll die!”

“I know,” Morality said softly, tossing the unconscious side through the door and shutting it with a grim air of finality. 

Janus and Virgil stared at Morality with twin looks of horror. Virgil shot to his feet with tears in his eyes, stomping up to Morality and shoving him. Morality barely moved. “How could you do that?! He was our friend and you just- you _monster_!”

That makes Morality flinch. “I was doing the right thing,” he cries. “He was out of control! We needed to stop him and this was the only way! Now we have the old Creativity back!” He gestures at the other unconscious side. 

Janus clenches his fists. “That was a side. That was _Creativity_ , and you just left him to die!”

Morality’s face darkens. “That wasn’t Creativity.” He pushes past Janus and Virgil, crouching beside the unconscious Creativity and brushing his hair out of his face. “Logan is on my side. I did the right thing. If you disagree….” He looks up at his two friends, lips pursed and fighting back tears. “Then you can go, too.” He rises to his feet and Janus steps in front of Virgil, taking his trembling hand. 

“You’re out of control, Morality! That was _wrong_ , and you know it! You’re no better than he was!”

Morality freezes, his eyes widening with rage. Before anyone can say another word Morality raises a hand and the grey door opens again. With another motion, an invisible force is pushing Janus and Virgil through the open doorway, the door slamming shut behind them and cutting off the sound of their screams.

Morality looks down at Creativity’s unconscious form. “He’s _wrong_. Deceit always lies.”


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow, they managed to survive. The three sides spent years in darkness, one of them knowing nothing else and the other two finding with each day that passed that they missed the light less and less. None of them wished to go back to the light.

The light meant living with Morality. 

As previously stated, Janus is a man of cunning and schemes. Just because he didn’t want to go back, that didn’t mean that he didn’t want more control, more freedom. He felt stifled in the subconscious, and there was no telling when they wouldn’t be able to hold out anymore and would fade away. He couldn’t let that happen to his friends. He didn’t want them to die.

He didn’t want to die.

And so he began to scheme. Thomas became a teenager, and Virgil found his influence growing as Thomas developed an anxiety disorder, allowing him to override Patton’s control in short bursts and flood their host with anxiety. As children, Virgil had been afraid of the control he had over Thomas, hating when he made Thomas scared. As a teenager, he relished in these short bursts of control that meant he was still alive.

Years of living in the dark has a way of changing people.

It didn’t take much convincing to get Virgil on board. Infiltrate the “light sides”, gain more control over them and Thomas, and free Janus and Remus from the subconscious. Who knows, they might even get to throw the others into the subconscious as pay-back. 

And so their plan began.

Virgil began to exercise more and more control until he found that one day, he could manifest physically in front of Thomas. His first encounter had been… less than ideal, with Virgil so disoriented and afraid that he’d caused the both of them to have a panic attack before he’d retreated back to the subconscious. It’d taken Remus and Janus almost an hour to calm Virgil down enough to tell them what happened, and he’d spent the next few days trying to talk himself back into it. The next time he appeared, Thomas was making a video. 

Over the next several months, Virgil would pop up whenever he saw the chance, trying to foil the “light sides” plans and sway Thomas to his side. After each encounter he would give Janus the low-down, and the two would exchange ideas and Janus would give notes. Go after Logic, attack the other Creativity, be more rude, be more mean, be more cruel, go after Thomas, that had to do  _ something _ . 

Neither of them counted on Morality being so  _ nice _ , or the others slowly starting to  _ like  _ Virgil. When Morality had been kind to Virgil even after being insulted, when he had given him nicknames and affection, Virgil was sure it was a trap. More than once he found himself wanting to buy into it, to just give up this whole thing and - for lack of a better term - hang out with the “light sides” for a while, but each time he would remember That Day and his resolve would be solidified. 

When Logic, who’s greatest crime was being complicit to Morality’s cruelty, had begrudgingly conceded that there were parts of Virgil he didn’t mind or even liked, it was less of a shock. Logic was, for better or worse, rather impartial. Virgil had a harder time villainizing Logic, and after a time found he even considered him a friend. He left that out of his reports, though.

With two out of three sides becoming rather partial to Virgil - whether it was reciprocated or not - Thomas had slowly begun to soften around the other as well. Yes, he was the literal embodiment of Thomas’ anxiety (not  _ really _ , but when the side you trusted the most fed you lies you tended not to notice), but Thomas began to see what Virgil couldn’t communicate; his worries, his priorities, his values. He began to understand  _ why  _ Virgil did the things he did. As far as Janus was concerned, they were finally winning. 

There was something he hadn’t known, though. Something that he had no way of knowing. Well, two things. 

First, the other Creativity. For all the years they’d been in darkness, Virgil and Janus had sort of silently assumed that the Creativity they’d known before the change was the exact one on the other side of that door. They’d gotten used to Remus’ eccentricities, and after a fashion found they maybe even preferred them in a sense - they were much more… interesting - so, while they had missed their old friend, they would never want to replace Remus. However, Virgil had missed the old Creativity more than he’d let on. He’d agreed to Janus’ plan because he would see him again. Leading up to their fateful encounter, Virgil had daydreamed about how it would happen. He’d dreamed Creativity would light up at the sight of him, scream his name excitedly, and sweep him into a bone-crushing hug. That hadn’t been what went down, though.

Creativity’s endless, ruthless hatred of Virgil was painful. More painful than he could imagine. Even with Logan on his side and Thomas kind of warming up to him, Virgil was finding it harder and harder to subject himself to their plan when it meant facing Creativity’s ire again and again. Each time those once warm and loving brown eyes narrowed with suspicion and lit up with hatred, Virgil felt like Remus had taken his morningstar to his heart. It was all he could do to return the prince’s barbs, ducking his head and hiding behind his hair when tears threatened his eyes. Janus had no idea of the emotional trials he was putting his friend through, because Virgil refused to tell him. 

Secondly, Virgil could transport to his old room, and he had begun to do so increasingly over the last few months. 

At first it was just to see if it was still even there and if it had changed. Virgil had been relieved to find that it was more or less the same, the only difference was some of the decorations had changed to reflect his current interests. With that knowledge, Virgil began to transport to his room when one of the others was particularly cruel during a video, taking the chance to calm himself down before he went home to Janus and Remus. He couldn’t let them see how this was affecting him or Janus would tell him to stop; Self Preservation or not, he would never willingly ask them to put themselves through something painful no matter what the result would be. He insisted he wouldn’t be like Morality.

As time went on, Virgil began to transport to his room whenever he wanted some time to himself, even on days he wasn’t around the “light sides”. Janus usually left him to himself about the matter, assuming he was merely appearing in the mindscape to bother the other sides and try to exercise some control, further the plan. He had no idea Virgil was actually living two lives, hiding in his room or sneaking cookies Morality had made up to his room. 

As such, he was completely in the dark when Virgil ducked out. 

Janus was frantic when he felt Virgil’s presence fade. He ran all over the subconscious, calling for his friend with increasing fervor, tears threatening to obscure his vision. This was his fault, his family was in danger because of him. He was convinced Morality had finally gotten to him, that he’d hurt Virgil worse than he’d hurt Creativity, that Virgil was-

No, he couldn’t be. Sides couldn’t die. Right? 

Janus summoned light apparitions, snakes, and sent them out to do reconnaissance. They, unlike him, could leave the subconscious and would act as his eyes while they searched for the missing side. They slithered under the crack in the slate-grey door and through the mindscape in all directions, checking every room. Janus’ snake slid under Virgil’s door in a last-ditch effort to locate his friend and found a horrifying sight. 

Virgil had ducked out. He was going to lock himself away forever and fade away. But worse than that, the others and Thomas had come after him and were promising Virgil everything. Love, companionship, necessity, family, a home. All the things Morality had taken from the three of them by force. All the things they’d made for themselves in the subconscious.

And Virgil accepted. 


	3. Chapter 3

Rage, Janus found, could be cold. The side felt it washing over him as he watched Virgil tell the others his name, change his jacket, continue his life as if he’d never known anything else. He hadn’t even come to say goodbye, to face the two sides he was leaving to die. It was as if he’d completely forgotten that Janus and Remus even existed. Remus had felt completely betrayed and abandoned when Janus had shared the news. Janus too, though he preferred to focus on his anger. Anger spurred action, after all, and he was a man of action. He needed a new plan. 

Seven months. That’s how long it took Virgil to carve out his own escape, and that’s how long it took Janus to plan and scrape and claw for his own. Seven months, and he’d gained enough control to be able to manifest outside of the subconscious. The first chance he could get, he went after Morality. 

It was only months of debriefings from Virgil that had him at all prepared for impersonating Morality during a video. The entire time he couldn’t help but find it strange and idiotic how they all stood in a circle and prattled on, engaging in nonsensical activities to come to any sort of decision. He’d been doing rather well rolling with the punches, if he did say so himself. That is, until Virgil called him out, alerting Thomas and causing him to reveal himself. He’d even kept his face neutral as Creativity insulted the very thing he’d loved about Janus when they were kids. How he thought that self-absorbed pompous ass could possibly be his childhood friend was beyond him. 

That night, after everyone had gone their separate ways, Janus appeared in Virgil’s room. Virgil had been lounging in bed listening to music and shot up when he caught sight of Janus, fear and anger warring in his features. Janus was silent for a moment as he approached his old friend, eyes narrowed as he studied his face. Memories came unbidden; Virgil laughing in delight at his appearance after giving himself mismatched eyes, Janus chasing him all over the mindscape until Creativity came to his rescue, Janus turning into a giant snake to fight him, Virgil coming to him in the middle of the night because he was scared and sleeping next to him. Janus sneers. 

“So, Virgil,” the other’s name rolls off his tongue, making Virgil shiver. “Are you proud of your decision? Are you proud of the way you deserted Remus and I to live with these  _ monsters _ ?”

Virgil clenches his jaw, taking a slight step back. “He’s changed, Deceit. He isn’t like that anymore.” Janus sucks in a breath through his nose when Virgil uses that name, clenching his fists.

“No? Has he apologized?” Virgil’s silence is all the answer he needs. “They must be treating you like a king. If not, I can’t possibly imagine why you would choose them over your family.”

“They’re nice to me-”

“And I wasn’t? Remus wasn’t? Were we not enough for you? Have you forgotten how we gave up everything for him, how we gave up everything for  _ each other _ again and again? Remus and I were the only ones who cared about you, those so-called ‘light sides’ left you in the subconscious with us to  _ rot _ . Remind me, how did they act when you suddenly forced yourself back into their lives-”

“ _ You _ told me to-”

“I may have given you pointers, shared ideas, but you are the one who decided the way to win was through  _ fear _ .” Virgil shrinks back, his anxiety rising. Janus inspects his gloved nails. “I’m proud of you, Virgil, really. You saw your chance and you took it. You’re finally free of this agonizing life, it truly must have been so hard on you. Thank God they rescued you.” Janus ignores how it pulls at his heart when Virgil looks away, a tear slipping down his cheek. Instead, he pushes on. “I get it. You got a taste of the good life, you got your moment in the sun and you couldn’t let it go. Say whatever you need to say in order to justify this to them, to yourself. Do what you must to survive. Whatever makes this easier for you. And I’ll do the same.” 

The last thing Virgil sees of his best friend is a glowing yellow eye before he’s gone.

* * *

Virgil is on edge while Janus and Remus plan. It isn’t until Remus reveals himself that they’re finally ready for the next step, both sides finally having enough power to extend their influence beyond the scope of the subconscious. They bide their time carefully until they find the perfect moment, then they strike. 

Morality is first. He’s gotten soft over the years, and the recent arguments with Janus haven’t helped. Janus appears before him on his way to the kitchen and smirks, Morality letting out a startled cry and taking a step back. Janus puts a finger to his lips and gently shushes Morality, one of his snakes slithering behind the side and tripping him when he takes another step back. Janus looms over him with a smug look as he weaves a golden web of influence, watching the light dim from Morality’s eyes as the wires wrap around his wrists and neck. Janus twitches his fingers, manipulating Morality like a puppet, and Morality heads back to his room. Janus disappears.

The other Creativity is next. Janus lets Remus help, not because he needs it, but because this is personal. To Remus, Virgil had replaced him with his other half, his “brother”, the “nicer”, “better” Creativity. He was going to make Virgil regret it. Creativity put up a fight, of course. He brandished his sword as soon as he caught sight of his other half, gritting his teeth and charging at him. Janus relied on Remus to keep Creativity occupied as he came up from behind, his golden wires wrapping around Creativity’s wrists and neck. Remus grins as Creativity’s eyes flicker gold and he pauses, his sword suspended mid-swing. He summons a golden crown, one they haven’t worn since they were one person, and sits it atop Creativity’s head. Weaving wires of his own around Creativity, Remus helps Janus gain control of him before they both disappear. 

Logic is last. He welcomes Janus into his room like they’re old friends, a tiny smile pulling at his lips. Of the three “light sides”, Logic has always had the most tolerance for the “dark sides”. Janus suspects it’s because he isn’t so emotional, so he can remain objective and thus sees the purpose of Janus and the others’ existence. Logic sits at his desk, tapping a stack of papers against the wooden surface to straighten them, Janus walking up behind him quietly. “So, I presume you have some manner of business to discuss if you are here. How can I help you?”

Janus smirks from behind Logic, his fingers twitching. Golden wires dance from his fingertips as he speaks. “Nothing too difficult. I merely need to manipulate your body long enough to make sure my plan succeeds.” Logic’s eyes widen in surprise and he turns in his chair to question Janus, but Janus’ wires wrap around his wrists and throat before he can make a sound. Janus straightens Logic’s tie and disappears. 

If they can’t get the others to accept them, then they’ll just have to take their place in the sun by force.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones kinda shorter than the others but i figure the last one will be longer so it evens out lol

Virgil sighed as he appeared back in the mindscape. He’d been outside helping Thomas with something minor for a few hours, and now that he was free and clear he was starting to notice how hungry he was. He looks around, frowning slightly as he finally notices the lack of sides. That’s… odd. At this time of day, there was always at least one person lounging about out here. Virgil hums, deciding to check their rooms, and heads up the stairs. 

Deciding to check on Patton first, Virgil knocks on his soft blue door. When he doesn’t get a response, his frown deepens. Before worst-case scenarios can fill his head, he gently pushes the door open and nearly sighs in relief when he finds the paternal figure sitting on the floor. Patton has his back to him, gazing down at a photo album in his lap. Maybe he’d just been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn’t heard Virgil knock? That happened to him all the time. “Hey, Pat-”

“Deceit told me.”

Virgil stops. He’s not anxious or scared yet, but he can feel it. “What? Pat, what are you talking about?”

“Deceit told me why you’re really here. He told me how you’re just  _ using  _ us and  _ lying  _ to us to get out of the subconscious.” 

Now Virgil’s anxious. His chest feels cold, and despite the situation he can feel a smile tugging at his lips. “That’s stupid, why would I-”

Patton turns to Virgil with tears in his eyes. With the way they catch the light, Virgil swears for a second that they’re yellow. “Don’t lie to me. Admit it, you only came here to throw us in there!”

Virgil’s heart skips a beat and he takes a step back. No, this isn’t right. Why would Patton believe Janus over him? Janus’ words echo in his mind.

_ “Say whatever you need to say in order to justify this to them, to yourself. Do what you must to survive. Whatever makes this easier for you. And I’ll do the same.” _

“Patton, he’s  _ lying- _ ”

Patton scoffs, setting the album aside. “Does it even cross your mind to be sorry? To feel bad? Or are you  _ really  _ a dark side after all?”

Virgil sucks in a breath, his heart aching. “Pat-”

“Is this  _ fun  _ to you? Leading all of us on, making us think you care, bringing you into the family?” He gets up, taking a couple steps towards Virgil which he matches by taking two steps back. “I hope you got your kicks, because I’m done being dragged along by you! I should throw you back into the subconscious where you belong!” Tears spill down his face. Though Virgil doesn’t know it, he’s begun to cry as well. He turns from Patton’s enraged expression, away from the bared teeth and clenched fists, and he runs. He needs to find someone who will listen to him, someone who will believe him. 

Virgil crashes into someone and stumbles back, the apology on his tongue leaving when he notices Roman standing before him. “Oh god, Roman, there’s something wrong with Patton, I think Deceit got to him, you gotta help me-” He screams as Roman brings his sword down, slicing at Virgil who barely stumbles out of the way. Roman grins down at him menacingly, the crown atop his head glinting in the light. 

“Oh, I heard what’s  _ wrong  _ with Patton. He’s finally making sense!” Roman rests the blade on his shoulder. “You’ve been playing us for fools this entire time! All of it was a lie! It was all a ploy to replace us! I won’t fall for it, villain,” he roars, tears streaming down his face as he takes another swing at Virgil. Virgil’s heart pounds in his chest as he trips over his own feet, falling to the ground. Tears are streaming down his face as his life crumbles around him. He manages to roll over and scramble to his feet just in time to avoid getting impaled by Roman’s sword, the blade embedding itself in the carpet as Virgil runs. 

Logan sits in the armchair in the common area, looking over a piece of paper. Virgil nearly cries out in relief when he finds the logical side, falling to his knees in front of him. “Logan, Logan, you believe me, don’t you? I wasn’t- I’m not-”

Logan lowers the paper and looks at Virgil with an empty gaze, the sight of which makes Virgil shiver. “I thought we were friends, Virgil.”

“We are!” Virgil cries desperately, his fingers gripping the denim of Logan’s pants tightly. “I love you guys, I would never-!” 

“Everything has its purpose, I suppose,” Logan says flatly, looking away as the tears begin to fall. “And… If we have served ours, then I suppose it is time for you to cut ties.”

Virgil sobs, scrabbling at Logan’s jeans. “No, Logan, please! Please listen to me!”

“We’re done listening to you!” Roman roars manically, sword raised. Virgil scrambles back in fear, Patton walking up behind Roman. “Patton had the right idea all those years ago; you’re a  _ dark side _ , and you will  _ always  _ be a dark side! You should have never come out of the subconscious!”

The slate-grey door behind Virgil slowly opens. It’s the same door that plagues Virgil’s nightmares to this day. The same door he tried to pretend didn’t exist every time he walked through the commons. The same door he was being pushed through for the second time in his life. 

Virgil fights back against the invisible force pushing him back to no avail, looking up at the disgusted and enraged faces of his family as the cold blackness of the subconscious looms closer. “P-please! Patton, Roman, I’m sorry! Please don’t do this!”

“Good bye, Anxiety.”

Virgil screams as the door slams shut and he’s plunged into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you who’ve seen teardroppeddew’s Good For You animatic, it’ll be pretty obvious that i sorta deviated from the plot
> 
> I had to make the chapter longer ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Virgil is left on his knees in front of the door, its already dark appearance barely distinguishable in the blackness of the subconscious. He doesn’t know how long he sits there crying and staring at the door disbelievingly, but it could have easily been hours. This couldn’t be real. Why now, of all times? Why wait this long to tell them? And why did they believe him so easily? They hadn’t even wanted to talk to Virgil about it, they’d just taken Janus at his word and kicked Virgil out like he was nothing.

Virgil sniffs, wiping his cheeks on his hoodie sleeve as he gets to his feet. He looks around the darkness and brushes off his pants, picking a random direction and starting to walk. There was very little actually in the subconscious save for the other two sides and some random objects for… reasons no one had really figured out, but they had managed to find enough to create their own living space; couches, chairs, that sort of thing. Virgil thought to himself he might as well look for a couch to bury his face in until he fades away.

He feels like he’s been walking for hours with no luck. Not a single sign of life or stray mystery object in sight, the door long gone. He’d begun to consider just laying down on the ground when a voice behind him nearly scares him out of his skin. 

“Virgil, what a surprise to see you back here.”

Virgil whirls around, coming face-to-face with Janus and Remus. Janus’ face is carefully neutral, his posture elegant and poised as always, but the rage is clear in Remus’ snarl, his hands balled into fists at his side. Virgil swallows. 

“If you’ve come back for another round, don’t worry. I’m letting you go.”

All anger and fear is erased, washed away in place of bone-chilling panic. With what just happened, the way the “light sides” had so casually pushed him aside, Janus and Remus were all Virgil had left. Yes, Virgil had been angry, he’d been ready to beat the shit out of Janus if he saw him, but the realization that he could be well and truly alone had erased all desire to keep the two sides away. If Janus didn’t even  _ care  _ about him anymore... “What?” 

Janus sighs through his nose, inspecting his gloved nails. “You heard me. I’m tired of fighting, I’m much more concerned with surviving this hellscape. So, I’m shutting my mouth and letting go. You can go back to the ‘light sides’. I’m done.”

Virgil shakes his head, eyes wide, heart beating fast. “Wait- wait a minute…”

“I mean,  _ clearly  _ you’ve been working hard! You’ve got those three wrapped around your little finger; they’ve got it bad, worse than I ever did. So I won’t interfere with your little game; go on, the show belongs to you now. I know when I’m beat.”

Tears well in Virgil’s eyes. “No, you’re wrong, I was never manipulating them! They’re my friends! Why did you tell them all of that?!”

Janus blinks innocently. “Well, it’s true isn’t it? Or did you really forget the seven months’ time you put into trying to get them to our side?”

Virgil shakes his head, taking a step back as panic wells in his chest. “N-no, it’s not- you’re wrong, I  _ care  _ about them, it’s not like that.”

Remus and Janus share a smirk as their wires wind their way around Virgil’s wrists, the anxious side too panicked to notice. Virgil was the last piece; he was always more powerful than he’d ever know, and as such he was a vital part of Remus and Janus gaining control of the mindscape. As long as they had control of him, they couldn’t fail. 

Virgil tugs at his hair, his heart racing. “This isn’t good, I need to fix this, I  _ know  _ I can get them to-” He notices the wires wrapped around his wrists and lets out a startled cry, pulling at them to get them off. More wires wrap around his wrists and neck, and Virgil slowly goes lax, the panic melting from his face and hands lowering to his sides. Remus and Janus share a triumphant look, heading towards the door to the mindscape with Virgil. 

* * *

Janus sighs contentedly as he lounges on his bed. It’s been twenty years since he’s set foot in his room and it’s hardly changed at all, much to his relief. Yellow walls with black accents and furniture, a snake tank on his dresser - if they’d been real people and her a real snake, Janus has no doubt Calypso would be dead - and a TV mounted to the wall opposite his bed. Remus had been ecstatic to find out he himself had a room, which had manifested when he introduced himself to Thomas. Janus hadn’t been in it yet, but he was sure it reflected the duke’s personality perfectly (part of the reason he hadn’t gone inside yet; he loves Remus, but the man was a bit chaotic). 

There’s a knock at Janus’ door and Morality walks in, his golden eyes crinkled with a smile and the wires around his wrists glinting in the light. “Hiya kiddo! Brought you some lunch!” 

Janus doesn’t even look away from his TV as he grunts and waves a hand towards his desk, his other hand stroking Calypso’s head. Morality happily sets the tray down and walks out of the room without another word, shutting the door behind him.

This is the life. Getting to relax in his own room, lay on his own bed, do as he pleases, only talk if he wants to talk,  _ and  _ use Morality as a glorified servant? He never thought he’d see the day. Janus’ musings are interrupted by Remus ripping his door open. “Come kill villagers in the imagination with me!”

He definitely would never see the day where Remus learned to knock.

“You know I don’t care much for that sort of thing, Remus. Take Virgil with you if you’re in such dire need of companionship.”

Remus shrugs, leaving to do just that. Janus sighs at his still-open door. Seriously, it’s like he was living with a child. He stands up, shutting his door with a soft click and going back to cuddling Calypso. He starts to feel drowsy and closes his eyes.

“Virgil is missing!”

Janus’ eyes fly open, looking at Remus’ haggard form in his doorway. He glances briefly at the clock - it’s been twenty minutes since Remus left him initially, so he’s probably searched the entire mindscape - and sighs, sitting up. “Perfect. Did you check the subconscious?”

Remus gives him a withering stare. Janus is unaffected. “No, you’re right, only an idiot would run there. You’ve covered the whole mindscape? The only other place he could possibly be is the imagination.”

Over the past couple months, the one thing that hasn’t been perfect has been Virgil. For reasons they haven’t figured out yet, he can shake off their influence and sever their wires without them noticing, leading to him “disappearing” as the two sides lose track of him and he takes to hiding. It takes very little to get him back under their thumb, though, so Janus wasn’t especially concerned to find out their old friend had escaped again. 

“Well… I didn’t check his room.”

Now it was Janus’ turn to give Remus a withering look. “That’s the  _ first  _ place you look, Remus.”

“It was locked!”

“I wonder why.” Janus rolls his eyes and heads down the hall, Remus following him like a lost puppy. Janus tries Virgil’s door, huffing softly when he finds it locked, and simply appears on the other side of it. Remus blinks in surprise and does the same, appearing beside Janus as Virgil whirls around to glare at the two sides he once called family. “Virgil, really, what were you hoping to gain by hiding away in your room? Come back with us, don’t make this hard on yourself.”

Virgil bares his teeth, his fists clenched at his sides. “Shut up, Janus, I’m not listening to you anymore. I’m freeing the others and helping them banish you to the subconscious.”

Janus tamps down his anxiety before it can become anything more than a candle’s flame. “You know you can’t free them, Virgil, don’t lie to yourself now. Just give in already, there’s no use fighting us.” Gold and green wires wrapped themselves around Virgil’s wrists. For a brief moment it seems like Virgil will come quickly and easily, but his nails dig into his palms and blood seeps between his fingers, snapping him out of it. 

“Stop it! Stop, let me out,” he cries, his fingers tangling in his hair. He rips at the wires with rage in his eyes, causing them to snap and go limp in his grasp. Janus takes a startled step back. 

“I’m not submitting to you anymore!” 

Virgil disappears, leaving Janus and Remus standing in his empty room. Janus is reminded of the helpless fear that had filled him the day Virgil ducked out and he had been convinced he was dead. Instead of being swallowed by it though, he snaps it in half with a gnashing of his teeth and turns on Remus. “Find him,” he snarls, disappearing to look for Virgil. Remus swallows and does the same. 

* * *

Freeing the others was a lot easier said than done. It wasn’t like it was hard to find them, but Virgil had no idea if he knew how to snap their wires - he didn’t know if what worked for him would work for them, or if he’d even want it to - and he had no idea if Janus and Remus could see through their eyes or sense what was happening. How much could he do before they found him? Could he fight them off, if they used his friends against him? Could he stand to hurt his family, if that’s what it took? He needed a clearer head. He needed Logan.

Virgil finds the logical side at his desk pouring over papers like nothing’s wrong. If it weren’t for the fact that Virgil could see the wires controlling him - something he had to concentrate on to notice - he’d assume that Logan was free. Virgil walks up behind his friend, looking down at the papers out of curiosity. 

‘FAILURE’ ‘WORTHLESS’ ‘EMOTIONLESS ROBOT’ ‘LEAST FAVORITE’ all glare back at him in large red letters, the papers otherwise blank. Virgil frowns. Why would Logan have these? 

_ “You are the one who decided the way to win was through  _ fear _.” _

Virgil’s frown deepens and he takes the papers from Logan with little resistance from the other side. “L? Hey, dude, you there?” He waves a hesitant hand in front of Logan’s face, but the logical side shows no signs of having noticed Virgil or the fact that his papers were even taken from him. Virgil chews on his lip anxiously for a moment before he turns Logan’s chair to face him, taking Logan’s hands in his. “L, you’re the smartest, most loyal, most capable person I know. You are not worthless, and you are definitely not a failure. You work so hard to keep Thomas on track and make sure we’re all happy and working together. You’re just as valuable and just as loved as the rest of us, and I know you’d scream ‘falsehood’ at me if you could, but you are definitely not emotionless.”

Logan had seemed to slowly relax as Virgil kept talking, his eyelids drooping into a more relaxed state and his shoulders slouching. Virgil smiles softly, hesitantly, and tugs on the wires around Logan’s wrists. They tear like spider webs, falling away and disappearing. Virgil severs the ones around Logan’s neck as well and Logan blinks into awareness, glancing around. His eyebrows are pinched, eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. “Where… What happened? Where did Deceit go?”

Virgil’s mouth pulls to the side. “Deceit took control of you and the others. You’ve been… It’s been two months.” 

“I see…” Logan frowns. “And how is Thomas? Is he alright?”

“As far as I can tell he’s totally fine. Seems like you guys have still been doing your jobs, he just lies a little more than he used to. Nothing serious.” Virgil shrugs. Honestly… He didn’t know what he expected. He’d never given it much thought, but now that he was thinking about it he realized it seemed a bit silly to expect Janus to enact some nefarious plan. Even if he didn’t know Janus personally, it would make no logical sense. He lived in Thomas’ head just like the rest of them, and cared for him in his own way. Hurting Thomas would only hurt him.

“And the others?”

“You’re the first one I’ve gotten free. Honestly I had no idea what I was doing.”

“Well whatever you did worked, clearly.”

Virgil glances down at the papers scattered at their feet, waving them away. “Yeah…”

* * *

“If my hypothesis is correct, then you are the best equipped to handle these precarious situations.”

“No pressure.”

“Well I suppose there is a substantial amount of pressure, but only if you value freeing our friends and fellow- ah. I see. Sarcasm.”

“He learns.”

The two sides stand in front of Patton’s door, neither one particularly eager to be the one to open it. The last time they’d been inside, Virgil had nearly had an anxiety attack and Logan… Felt things. Now, one could say Virgil’s plight was worse, but we aren’t here to judge the trials and pains of others. After another pregnant pause, Virgil huffs a sigh and reaches for the handle, pulling the door open. Might as well get this over with.

Patton sits, much like he had been two months ago, looking through a photo album. The parallel to that day makes a spark of fear shoot through Virgil, but he tamps it down. He can’t be afraid. He has to help Patton. Virgil takes a deep breath through his nose and enters the room, walking over to the paternal side and sitting across from him.”Hey, Pat…”

Patton is looking at pictures that at first glance Virgil recognizes, but when he looks again,  _ really  _ looks, there’s something off. Sunny days are now full of dark clouds and rain, smiling faces are now frowning or scowling, betraying sadness and anger. Laughter is replaced with fighting. Virgil frowns thoughtfully, looking over the pictures then up at Patton’s crying face. He sighs softly. 

“Patton, you should know by now that’s not gonna happen.” Virgil moves to sit next to Patton, wrapping an arm around him. “You know we’ll always be a family.” A brief thought about That Day flits across Virgil’s mind, but he ignores the anxiety it brings with it. 

_ “Has he apologized?” _

Virgil shakes the voice off. “Sure we fight and disagree sometimes, but all families do that. We love each other, and that won’t change. Logan will always groan at your puns but acknowledge how smart you are, begrudgingly of course. Roman will always call you ‘padre’ like the extra dork he is, and treat you like his fairy prince. And I’ll always be here to shoot the shit and pull you out of your own head. Metaphorically speaking. And you’ll always make us sit for a family dinner, call us your kiddos, and make us laugh. Here, let’s fix these pictures, I’m the only one that’s allowed to be this gloomy.” He gently takes Patton’s hand, the wires on his wrist tearing and fading away as Virgil lays their joined hands on the photo album. The pictures slowly change, the clouds and rain disappearing, smiles and laughter back in place. Virgil takes the photo album and sets it aside, sighing softly at Patton and pulling him into a hug. 

“We gotcha, popstar.”

The other wires tear and fade away, and Patton blinks back to awareness. A bright smile slowly builds and he hugs Virgil tightly, tucking his face into Virgil’s hair. “Oh, kiddo.” 

Virgil lets himself enjoy the hug for a moment before he pulls back, Logan finally entering the room and sitting beside the pair. Virgil turns to the logical side, clapping him on the shoulder. “Can you take over from here? I gotta go rescue our fair prince underarm stink.” Logan smiles in amusement. 

“I believe I can handle this, yes.” 

Patton launches himself at Logan with a giggle, tackling him to the ground for cuddles as Virgil leaves the room.

* * *

Virgil finds himself hesitating once again as he stares at a door. Roman’s door, specifically. Roman isn’t a  _ weak  _ side, physically or otherwise, so whatever was keeping him under the influence had to be some serious shit, and Virgil still had no fucking idea what he was doing. Virgil stares at the bright red wood and takes a deep breath. He had to do this; in Logan’s words, “you are the best equipped”. 

He sighs and pushes the door open.

As he suspected, it’s pretty bad. Someone - Remus, no doubt - has made Roman’s room look like the imagination, and Roman stands in the middle of the room surrounded by monsters. The sight of them has Virgil’s anxiety ratcheting up exponentially, but he can’t focus on that; he has to help Roman. Virgil steps into the room, and as soon as his shoes meet grass he hears the voices.

“You’ll never be good enough.”

“Such a disappointment, really. You’re failing Thomas.”

“They would all be better off with Remus.”

“At least he knows how to speak up for what he wants.”

“What kind of a prince rolls over and gives up on his dreams?”

“You’re pathetic.”

Virgil’s anxiety worsens. With the way he’s feeling, it’s almost like he’s still in Patton’s room. He has no idea how to handle this; Roman’s demons are so big, so strong, and - he cringes as Roman barely lunges out of the way of a beast’s claws - so violent. This isn’t like Logan and Patton, where he can just sit with them and tell them good things until they wake up. This is a real problem that he is nowhere near equipped to handle. 

He knew Logan was full of shit. 

But he has to try. Virgil’s progress is achingly slow, each step feeling like his feet are made of lead. In front of him, Roman dodges and slashes and stabs at the monsters surrounding him on all sides. It’s hard to tell if the voices are coming from them, or the room itself. Virgil hopes it’s the former or he may not be able to do anything at all. As he gets closer, he has to start watching his step, stumbling out of the way of raging monsters and flailing to avoid crashing bodies. One of the monsters takes notice of Virgil and charges at him, roaring angrily. 

“You’ll never win. You’re a disgrace, a coward, and soon the others will realize it too and you’ll be alone.”

It feels like the voice is inside his head. Virgil clamps his hands over his ears in a futile attempt to block it out and screams in fear as the monster descends upon him. The sound of ringing metal disrupts the voice in his head and he hesitantly opens his eyes - when did he close them? - to see Roman standing before him, sword raised to deflect the monster’s claws. Virgil stares up at him with wide eyes as Roman takes a step forward, knocking the beast back only for it to charge again. 

“You already are alone. You’ve always been alone, fighting and losing to yourself. How can you possibly hope to help anyone when you can’t help yourself?”

Virgil slowly stands back up as he watches Roman. That monster hadn’t been whispering to him, it was always talking to Roman. They had the same fears.

He knew what to do.

“You’re wrong!” Virgil cries, running forward. In a brazen act of stupidity and protectiveness, Virgil takes Roman’s sword from him and deflects the monster’s attack. “He isn’t alone, he has me, and I’m not going anywhere.” Virgil begins to advance on the monster, pushing it back blow after blow, managing to slice into its flesh. “People aren’t made to fight themselves, that’s why we have friends and family to help us! It’s living with your own demons that makes you so good at helping us fight ours, Roman!” He stabs the monster in the heart and it dissolves into a cloud of black mist, dissipating. Virgil turns to face Roman, panting for breath and limbs shaky with adrenaline. 

Roman stares at him with wide eyes, looking confused and surprised. The gold and green wires are still wrapped around him, but Virgil knows he’s getting somewhere. He walks up to Roman, still holding his sword. “Princes fight for others, not themselves. That’s what the knight is for. And like I said, I’m not going anywhere.” He holds out his hand, looking at Roman with more determination and confidence than he’s ever felt in his life. After what feels like a hopelessly long moment of silence, Roman slowly raises his arm and grips Virgil’s hand. His eyes clear up and the wires on his arm fade away, Virgil reaching up with a grin to tear the other ones off. 

Roman smiles at Virgil for a moment before he blinks, seeming to realize he’s wearing the crown Remus had put on his head still. He takes it off and makes a face, tossing it to the ground, and the two sides watch it dissolve into mist. Roman looks back at Virgil, letting their hands drop. “Thanks, Judy Gloom.”

Virgil shrugs, turning to leave Roman’s room. “That’s what I’m here for. Come on, we gotta get going, we have some-”

Something slams into Virgil’s chest, knocking him back. Roman cries out in shock as he’s pushed from his own room and the door slams shut in his face, trapping Virgil inside. 

Virgil scrambles to his feet and turns to face Janus. The other side’s face is carefully blank, his hands clasped behind his back. Before he can get a word in, Virgil surges forward, fury lighting his blood. “Stop this, Janus! You’ve lost, now leave!” He watches the fear flash across Janus’ face and for a brief moment he feels guilt settle in his stomach. He quickly pushes it away, reminding himself that Janus and Remus controlled and manipulated the others for two whole months and tried to ruin his happiness. “Open the door! Let me out and get the hell out of our house!”

Remus appears suddenly right beside Janus, and Janus grips Remus’ arm. Even he can’t tell if he’s trying to hold Remus back or using him for support. “You belong with us, Virgil, even you must sense that! It’s only a matter of time before they turn on you, before they remember why they tossed you aside with us and do it again! I’m only trying to protect you!”

Virgil grips his hair in frustration, glaring at his former family. Two decades of memories; shared laughs, sorrow, and stories. Two decades of “it’s us or them”. Two decades of “he was wrong”. But people change. Patton changed. Virgil was changing. They can change.

He sighs, venomous words dying on his tongue. He slowly lowers his hands, studying the two sides before him. The hurt, anger and betrayal is clear on their faces, and Virgil wonders why he didn’t see it before. “Look… I’m not leaving them, Jan. But I don’t want to leave you guys, either. You’re still my family, and so are they. It doesn’t have to be us versus them anymore, they’ve changed, and I’ve changed, and you guys can change, too. Just… give it a chance.”

Janus snarls, baring his teeth. “I’ll never forgive Morality for what he did.  _ Never _ .”

Sadness settles over Virgil like a blanket as he looks at his family. “Okay. Just remember… You two have rooms here. You’re welcome back whenever you want, but… Only if you stop fighting.”

They don’t say a word to that, disappearing and leaving Virgil alone. He sighs shakily, his limbs feeling like jelly and his heart heavy. This was so fucked up in so many ways, it was like he was looking at a huge tangled mess of yarn that he’d made in his sleep and now he had to untangle it. The door opened behind him and suddenly Patton was rushing up to him, nearly bowling him over with a hug.

“Virgil! Lolo told us what you’ve been doing, you’re so amazing!”

Logan walks up beside Virgil with an amused smile. “I merely informed them of the information you relayed to me, as well as what I observed while you were helping Patton.”

“Which is amazing!”

Roman claps Virgil on the back with a grin. “Truly! It was quite an act of bravery and cunning, if I do say so myself!” 

Virgil chuckles, gently brushing them off. “Seriously guys, it was no big deal. Any of you would have done the same.” 

The three other sides share a look before dragging Virgil to the commons to watch a movie. They might not have known Virgil as long as Janus has, but they knew, just like him, that Virgil was far more amazing and capable than he could ever give himself credit for. After all, Fear couldn’t only create people’s greatest fears and insecurities, he could fight them as well.

That’s what knights are for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone gets what I was implying about Virgil at the end you get a cookie

**Author's Note:**

> So Virgil and Janus know each other’s names but the other three don’t, and everyone knows Patton and Logan’s names. However, this fic is largely through Janus’ perspective so he doesn’t use their names because he hates them. As for Creativity, it felt weird to give him a name before the split so I just... Didn’t? rip


End file.
